You are the common denominator to all areas of your life. Everything begins and ends with you being your best self. If you’re willing to do the work, and admit that there is work to do, you can become anyone that you want. This summary will help you.
Our genes and our upbringing shapes who we are. Often, people stop learning and questioning themselves at a certain point and simply coast through life. That is not your Best Self.
Create your best and anti selves
No matter where you are right now, you can improve your life in powerful ways. Get a journal and do the following exercises:
Write Your Traits: Write down all the best traits or characteristics of yourself that feel authentic to you. These should all be positive attributes.
Create Your Best Self: Refer back to the list of traits and create your Best Self. Is your Best Self a particular gender? An animal? A mystical creature? Write a full description of your Best Self. Be sure to give some “life coach” qualities to your Best Self character so that he or she can help you look out with clear focus.
Express Gratitude: Expressing gratitude is a great way to connect with your Best Self. Think of ten things that you are grateful for and write them down. Nothing is too insignificant for your list.
In addition to our Best Self, we all have an Anti-Self. These are the sides of us that get triggered by negative things. Identifying your Anti-Self characters is a profound exercise that can help you reduce the amount of time you spend in your Anti-Self. If you know the traits to look out for, you can better control yourself.
Identify Your Anti-Self Traits: Write down the traits that you consider to be your character flaws. Think about the last time you acted in a negative way and write about what happened.
Create Your Anti-Self: Look at your list of traits and create an exaggerated version of that self. It’s healthy to be able to laugh at ourselves. Create a clear, complete picture of your Anti-Self so you can easily predict what might trigger him or her to influence your behavior. The better you understand your Anti-Self, the easier he or she will be to control.
Five tenets for change
There are five tenets for change that will help you prepare yourself mentally for the process you’ll be undergoing. To get you into the right mindset for change, you must be committed to approaching everything with curiosity, honesty, openness, willingness and focus.
Think about the last time you felt truly alive. Think about what charges your authentic battery. Look at your life and see if the things you are doing in your life match up with who you are authentically. If so, great! If not, that’s okay. You’ll get there.
On any journey, roadblocks are to be expected. Beware of the obstacles that may block you from success. Ask yourself: What are some of the fears that have held you back from making changes in your life?
Other people have overcome your same fears, and you can too. Look at your list and identify any patterns. Now, test your fear. Ask yourself three questions:
- Is it factually true?
- Does it serve your best interests?
- Does it generate progress toward healthy goals?
This will help you find your rational, legitimate fear so you can create a plan that you can put into place to prevent that fear from becoming a reality.
Rituals can be a powerful tool for overcoming fear and feeling confident. Practice positive affirmations. Create a morning routine that starts your day off on the right foot. Make a note of all the things you are grateful for. Think about a mantra that energizes you and connects you with your core. Create a ritual around how you say it to yourself.
SPHERES is an acronym that looks at every area of a person’s life to help him or her identify their strengths and weaknesses.
There are tons of benefits of socializing. Social interaction can induce feelings of happiness, combat depression and even increase your brainpower. Here are some tips for having positive social experiences.
- Prepare a few pieces of information you can contribute to a new conversation.
- Remain present and focus on the people around you.
- Ask questions. People like talking about themselves.
- Be a good listener.
- Maintain open body language. Stand up straight with your shoulders back and remember to smile.
- Maintain eye contact.
- Give compliments.
Think about your behaviors that contribute to a positive social life. Think about your behaviors that are keeping you from what you want in your social life. Think about what you need to do to make your social life feel like a 10.
This section is about the relationship you have with yourself. Make sure you have an abundance of respect and compassion for yourself. Nurturing an authentic, positive self-image will affect all areas of your life.
Our brains and nervous systems change throughout our lives in response to occurrences within the body as well as external events. That means the way you talk to yourself can really change the way your brain functions. Make sure that your internal dialogue is kind, compassionate and encouraging. Often times, we are our harshest critics. Instead, treat yourself like you would a friend.
Pay attention to the thoughts that go through your head throughout the day. Look for common themes and tones in your internal dialogue. Is it generally positive? Or is it pessimistic? When we listen to what we say to ourselves, we can begin to rescript that conversation. The next time you notice a negative thought, imagine an alarm bell going off in your head. Then, choose a new message to tell yourself instead.
Self-care is about being compassionate toward yourself. Take deep breaths when you feel stressed. Try to spend at least 20 minutes exercising each day. Prioritize a healthy sleep schedule. Unplug from technology. Remember that each day you are alive is a gift and celebrate accordingly.